A child’s school years create memories and impact future success and happiness. How children are taught and the nature of their educational environments are important, especially for certain populations. Specifically, finding the best school for a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) requires more than research into test scores and rankings. Thankfully, the past three decades of growing understanding of high sensitivity areslowly but surely influencing educational approaches and options.

How Did We Get Here? The Influence of Education’s History

Gone are the Little House on the Prairie days when the schoolhouse was a daily melting pot for all kids. One teacher. One chalkboard. All grades. All subjects.

But even then education had its toes dipped in issues bigger than the abc’s and 3 r’s.

It has long been — and still is — a lot of political controversy, race issues, status, and civic values.

While kids are learning to read, their parents and elected officials are fighting about what they read.

While kids are making friends with kids who don’t look, sound, or live like them, the adults have other ideas.

Today’s students go to school on a battleground of standards, controversies, and political, cultural, and moral beliefs.

Everything from “normal schools” to segregation, desegregation, Title IX, Common Core, and Critical Race Theory have influenced today’s experience of “school.”

Add in the types of schools available — public, private, faith, Montessori, charter, magnet, homeschool co-ops — and the plot thickens.

And, tragically, we can’t talk about the 21st-century school experience without talking about school mass shootings.

More inflammatory, unresolved politics. More active-shooter drills. (We had single-file fire drills in my day.) More fear and anxiety. More families and communities destroyed.

And it’s not only students and their parents who have to adapt.

It’s the teachers, who often can’t teach what and how their experience tells them to because their assignments are standardized. Teach this, teach it this way, and achieve these metrics of success.

How, then, are parents supposed to find the best school for a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) without sensitive-specific options?

Understanding the Highly Sensitive Child and How S/he Learns 

In one sense, the Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) is a “little Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).” After all, the neurological trait of sensory processing sensitivity is innate, not acquired, say, during puberty.

However, just as any other infant/toddler/child/adolescent isn’t a “mini-adult,” the HSC isn’t just a small version of a highly sensitive adult.

Yes, HSCs have the core features of deep processing, propensity for overstimulation/overwhelm, emotional responsiveness, and sensory specific sensitivity.

But they are still children. They are still developing and learning – not only how to read and add, but how to understand and regulate their emotions.

If you are an adult HSP, you may remember a time when you had no idea what high sensitivity was. You lived in that unique minority but didn’t understand why you felt so different and misunderstood.

That is, of course, until high sensitivity was finally researched and named, then gained exposure academically and socially.

Now imagine being a young child. Your world is full of firsts…and full of feelings you don’t yet have the cognitive development to process.

You react to strong stimuli: binding clothes, a wet diaper, smells, the moving chill from an overhead fan. And you have strong emotional reactions to changes in environmental stimuli like light, noise, and temperature.

You sense shifts in your parents’ moods and internalize them almost instinctively without the ability to make sense of them.

You are highly observant, insatiably curious, and innately creative. And you can focus on a detail with such determination that you slip, unknowingly, into perfectionism.

All this for a little being who hasn’t yet learned to process such extremes in emotions and sensory experience. It can be absolutely overwhelming.

And none of these features can be overlooked in choosing the best school for a HSC.

Here are some of the special ways in which HSCs learn and are affected by their learning environments:

• HSCs are visual-spatial learners. They learn holistically vs. sequentially. Translation: They learn “with their whole beings.” All of their senses, perceptions, emotions, and intuition come into play to create a “big picture.” Compare this to “step-by-step” learning that is foundational to most educational methods. Non-HSPs typically need to aggregate the sequence of steps before seeing the whole. But HSPs/HSCs flourish when they can work through steps en route to a whole they’ve already seen or conceptualized. The steps themselves then have meaning, if not a life of their own. If the non-HSP learns in two dimensions, the HSP/HSC learns in six.
• HSCs are sensitive to criticism, discipline, and perceived disapproval. A teacher’s raised voice, for example, would be very upsetting to a sensitive child.
• Environmental stimuli affect HSCs’ ability to learn. Bright overhead lighting, loud noise, uncomfortable temperatures, and large class sizes can all be disturbing and disruptive to highly sensitive students.
• HSCs need more one-on-one time, as well as time to process independently vs. in groups. HSCs, like all HSPs, are deep thinkers, even if their brains and cognitive abilities are still developing. The benefit to everyone in the learning environment is that HSCs have a great capacity for concentration. They can focus on assigned tasks and ask relevant, insightful questions. But they need independence and the respect of quiet space and time to accomplish that.
• Target-driven education can be unnerving for HSCs. HSCs process a world of information in a holistic way. Timed tests, competitions, and monitoring, therefore, can make the highly sensitive mind stumble over itself and “lose its place.” All those spatial components, beautifully balanced while integrating within the highly sensitive mind, come tumbling down. I often think of highly sensitive learners as the musical prodigies who play by ear before ever learning to read music. While both skills are important, the natural prodigy can’t (and shouldn’t) simply disavow his gift in order to learn to read music. “Force-feeding” such structure comes at a cost. There have to be balance and awareness in the integration.
• HSCs are prone to perfectionism. They will expect of themselves what they wouldn’t expect of others: to achieve perfection from the get-go. They need to have space and guidance for conscientious exploration, processing, and learning without fear of the all-or-nothing.
• HSCs, like their future adult selves, are highly creative. It is their innate nature to perceive and process details that most of the world doesn’t even notice. They are the forward-thinkers, the inventors, the heralding trumpeters of a future of possibility and beauty. In order to thrive, HSCs need connection to nature, the arts, and opportunities to use their brilliant imaginations.
• HSCs are deeply empathetic. Emotional responsiveness, or empathy, is a core characteristic of high sensitivity. And it goes hand-in-hand with an HSP/HSC’s low threshold for detail, both sensory and emotional. The HSC will be emotionally responsive to everything and everyone in the classroom. That’s a lot to ask of a young soul, especially given his inability to know how to set emotional boundaries for himself. The empathic HSC therefore needs kindness and empathy as much as he gives them.
• HSCs are prone to strong emotional reactions and meltdowns. When the HSC’s world pummels him with chaotic and uncomfortable stimuli, overstimulation sets in. It’s a pillar propensity for all HSPs, and especially for the HSC who is still learning how to regulate his emotions. So what to do when you don’t know how to manage anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions? Chances are you scream, cry, or just retreat altogether.

What To Look For in a School for a Highly Sensitive Child

If you are the parent of a HSC, how do you use this information to find the best school for your child?

Likewise, if you are an HSP embarking on your college career, how do you find a school sensitive to

sensitivity?

Here are 15 questions to ask a school and individual educators as you evaluate your choices:

• What is the average class size? HSCs do better with smaller classes that allow for lower stimulation and more personalized attention.

 

• What is the student-teacher ratio? Ideally there would be a low student-teacher ratio with more than one teacher in the classroom. If that’s not the case, at least having regular aides to provide individual assistance is beneficial.

 

• What specialists are available at the school?Is there a school psychologist trained to work with HSCs, neurodivergent children, and special-needs children? Are there other types of therapists who specialize in various needs students may have?

 

• Are teachers and administrators trained in high sensitivity and developmental psychology? The first step to creating a healthy learning environment for HSCs is being able to recognize them in the first place. Even better if a teacher is also highly sensitive and teaches from a place of empathy. But everyone charged with your child’s care should know about high sensitivity and how to recognize and interact with it.

 

• What are the classrooms like? An HSC’s physical environment is crucial to his learning experience. It can create or preclude a sense of emotional safety and calm. Most of us grew up in schools with bright lights, loud bells or buzzers, and grids of school desks. But HSC’s can easily become overstimulated and shut down in environments like this. Accommodations like lowered or even lamp lighting and “safe areas” where children can go to be alone or decompress can help. And breakout options with comfortable seating can give students choices for independent or collaborative work. Also, because HSCs can quickly become overstimulated, minimizing clutter and decorations can help facilitate a serene environment.

 

• How many change-overs are there in the school day? Too much change in a short period of time can rattle a HSC. Do students stay in one or two classrooms the entire day? Do they spend the majority of the day in one room and go to other rooms for specific activities like PE? How long is each class period? Is there time within each to decompress and process information learned before moving to the next class? How much time is allotted between change-overs? How and where do the students eat lunch? Are they allowed to have water and snacks with them in the classroom?

 

• Is there flexibility in the learning process? Do the curriculum and teacher’s personal style offer flexibility in how students complete assignments and tests? Can a student with test anxiety, for example, opt for an oral exam? Are students allowed creative input into what they study and how they present their mastery of it? Can students work at their own pace? Do teachers understand and allow for HSCs’ need for downtime?

And the last 8 questions…

• How is creativity nurtured and included as an essential element of learning? HSPs and their HSC versions are innately creative. And that glorious gift isn’t limited to what they can do with a paintbrush or musical instrument. They are creative in how they solve problems, build friendships, and contemplate the future. But creativity can be stifled in learning environments built on standardization and metrics. And many of us can remember when public schools started cutting the arts from their curricula. A school in which your child gets to spend time in nature on a regular basis would be idyllic. Even the incorporation of nature within the classroom – plants, small animals, a therapy dog – can be life-changing.

 

• How is physical exercise incorporated? Is physical education part of the curriculum? What kinds of activities are included? Are there creative, unconventional options like dance, and yoga? Do the students have a say in what they participate in? And are there options for students who may become anxious in group activities?

 

• Is seating assigned? Where a HSC sits while learning is critical. Archaic alphabetized methods and pairing students based on opposing temperament styles can be counterproductive for a HSC. Is there open, elective seating? Are there comfortable seating options like floor pillows and bean-bag chairs? Does the teacher create a seating arrangement in which a student’s individual temperament, sensory, and learning needs are considered?

 

• How are students disciplined? Disciplinary methods that involve yelling, shaming, punishing, or embarrassing students can be damaging to an HSC. HSCs thrive in calm, supportive environments in which their high sensitivity is nurtured and guided, for both learning and emotional regulation.

 

• What are the school’s metrics for success? Granted, a big part of education is preparing students for future success – personally, academically, professionally, socially. But it’s also about the development of happy, healthy human beings. Is the school focused primarily on test scores and grades? What kind of obligations does it have to whomever oversees educational standards? What is the vision it has for the success and well-being of its students? And what measures are in place to ensure their students stay on that optimal path?\

 

• How does the school communicate with parents? Do teachers in the school seek to learn about each student before the school year? Do they ask questions relevant to the nuances of each child’s needs, preferences, and sensitivities? Is there a parent-teacher portal for exchanging information? Are parents encouraged and welcomed to personally contact teachers with concerns? Are there opportunities throughout the year for parent-teacher meetings?

 

• For college-bound students, does the school offer sensitive residential and study options? Not all collegians enjoy the proverbial “party life.” Remember, an HSP is an HSP. And going away to college doesn’t change that. Thankfully, many colleges and universities are expanding their residential options to accommodate their students’ diverse needs and preferences. A concept known as quiet housing gives those who prefer studying in their own environments the assurance of quiet. Some colleges offer entire buildings designated as quiet, and some designate floors within buildings. Some do both.

 

• For college-bound students, school size, class size, and student-teacher ratio are still important. Even though college/university life is a brave new world for millions of young adults, the HSP’s needs are still there. Among the countless considerations in choosing your future Alma Mater should be many of the same ones listed above. How many students are enrolled? How many students per class and per teacher, at least in your area of study? How big is the campus? Can you walk everywhere? Does it feel like a “home” or like a big city? And does it provide for your high sensitivity in terms of psychological care and quiet housing options?

(For a firsthand look at what parents want in the way of schools for their HSCs, read here.)

Making the Grade for the HSC

The topic of education is a loaded one, to be sure. As a parent, you want your child to receive the best possible education and have the best opportunities in life.

If only it were that simple.

On the one hand, not having options can be crippling to those with special gifts and needs.

And, on the other hand, having lots of options can make you feel overwhelmed and forever unsure of your decisions.

This discussion of how to find the best school for a Highly Sensitive Child is by no means exhaustive. But hopefully it inspires you to think outside the box and realize that you do have options. Options that perhaps weren’t available when you were in school.

And, where the ideal doesn’t seem to exist, you can be a leader in forging awareness on behalf of HSCs.

After all, you are, and must always be, your child’s most devoted advocate.

Dr. Elayne Daniels is a psychologist, consultant, and international coach in the Boston area whose passion is to help people celebrate their High Sensitivity…and shine their light.To read more about High Sensitivity, check out some blogs here.