To watch someone you love suffer is painful – whether the suffering is physical or mental, or a combination. When someone you love has anxiety and depression, you may feel particularly helpless and wonder how to offer support. Especially because their pain is not visible in the way it would be with a physical wound or injury.

It is natural to wonder if loving someone with anxiety and depression could make you depressed. And to wonder if you’re selfish to even be thinking about how to stay healthy.

The hard reality is that relationships are complicated. And both you and your partner have quirks and problems of different kinds, sizes, and manifestations. You know that everyone struggles in some shape or form.

In the case of anxiety and depression, people’s suffering can be short, medium, or long term. The symptoms can manifest as a single episode or multiple. Regardless, professional help is essential. That includes psychological treatment and possibly medication. (Definitely for your loved one and maybe even for yourself.)

One thing consistently recommended is to be sure you don’t take on your loved one’s problems as if they’re your own. Because they’re not yours. Making them your own will ultimately not be helpful to your loved one. And could make it hard for you to stay healthy. It’s a lose-lose.

So what can you do to help a loved one with anxiety and depression?

Here are 4 general suggestions:

1. DO set boundaries with a loved one with anxiety and depression. If you don’t, your own health will suffer. Mentally AND physically. Instead, discuss the importance of finding a balance between supporting your loved one and carving out time for yourself.

For example, if you’re both planning to join friends for dinner, let your partner know in advance that you’ll still go even if your partner isn’t up to it when the time comes. Remind your loved one that you won’t force him/her to go, and that you want to follow through with plans because it is important to you.

2. DO Listen when a loved one with anxiety and depression talks with you. Sometimes, it is all you can do. Resist the urge to give advice. Also, guilt can be part of depression and anxiety. When your loved one’s anxiety or depression takes hold, it’s not realistic or helpful for them to pretend they’re fine. Avoid making them feel guilty about it. They already feel bad enough. More guilt just adds to their anxiety and depression.

3. DO NOT try to “fix” the anxiety or depression your loved one has. Or try to “fix” your loved one. Your loved one’s therapist and medication provider are the professionals assigned to treating anxiety and depression. After your loved one has established a solid relationship with the therapist, offer to join them for a session to learn more about how to be helpful.

4. DO NOT assume you know what your loved one with anxiety or depression is feeling. Let them know that you care about them and want to be there for them. Ask them how they’re feeling and how you can support them.

There is no one size fits all list for how to help a loved one suffering from anxiety and depression. Educate yourself about anxiety and depression through websites, podcasts, and other sources. Be a good listener. And, for your own well being, make sure you have a life outside of helping your loved one.

For more information, please contact me.